The Talk about SEX with my Little Charles
My son is 8 years old and last night he asked me something that my wife and I was preparing for a very long time. He asked me if there was another meaning to sex aside from gender.
Naturally, I established the environment where I will do the talk and brought him to his room. I invited the wife to join the conversation but she was too uncomfortable and still was not ready to see her little baby do a breakthrough and I respected that. We have been preparing ourselves for this day but alas, she left me to do the “talk” with this monster.
I have been reading several articles online on how to prepare and navigate talks like this that will help them shape their thoughts and understanding properly on certain subjects like sex.
The following steps is the framework I used to break it down to him was:
ESTABLISH THE SITUATION
I asked him to sit down and told him that we will have a conversation which means that he needs to participate and ask his brains out
ASKED HIM WHERE HE HEARD ABOUT IT
I told him that this is a topic usually discussed by adults and while I have it in my mind that this is something he heard/seen comments in the internet I still made sure that I ask him where he heard about it. He then confirmed that he saw it in some comments in youtube and Roblox in game chats.
WHAT MADE HIM INTERESTED ABOUT IT
My son is has a good comprehension and critical thinking so what interested him was how the word was used as a verb vs people using it as an adjective in their chat messages. The other was that in the chat messages, the context appeared to him as inappropriate which raised a red flag for him.
WHAT DOES HE KNOW ABOUT IT
I asked him to explain to empty his cup — asked him what he understood about the topic and share it to me and guaranteed that I will frame it correctly for him and answer all his questions.
APPRECIATE AND THANK HIM
After the first 3 steps I thanked him for approaching me and being open and sharing with me and assured him that he can always approach me and his mom.
THE TALK AND THE DEED
Then I explained to him that sex is an act and had 3 requirements to be fulfilled — appropriate time, appropriate person and appropriate place, when I was sure that he got the requirements I talked about the physical anatomy and how reproductive organs work. His screen time is divided mainly into game time, development/coding time and life lessons which are usually spent on YouTube videos on anything about life. He remembered some of the videos that he watched before around pregnancy and reproductive system that somehow confused him and something clicked last night like it was the last puzzle piece that was missing.
It was not as mortifying as I expected it to be and was happy and proud that I handled it the best I could. I was not blessed to have the same conversation when I was growing up with people I look up to and I want to break the chain by being there for my little Charles.